1、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已
   
2、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我TMD死盯着它几个小时了啊！
   
3、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
***管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题
   
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人或许击得并不重，但她们击得更低…..
女人总是能击中男人的要害。
   
5、Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
直译：记着吧……世界要不恶心，我们早被吐掉了。
别抱怨了，这个世界要是真和谐了，我们这种人就不应该存在~
意译：你们TMD给我记住：没有和谐社会，你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了！
   
6、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
上帝蜀黍疼你，只是大家都觉得你2B而已
   
7、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者，现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断，现在我不大确信是否还是如此。
   
8、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。
   
9、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。
意译：人太老实没法活。
   
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！
   
11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
   
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationshi
a. 女人的***可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！
   
b. 女人假装***以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的***。
   
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
   
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性***。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
   
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…
   
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
   
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资（一起过www.yiqig.cn）。  
   
18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
   
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…
   
20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
   
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
   
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？ 
    
   
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
   
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，***，和通便灵。